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This is the way you do it baby..

This is the way you do it baby.. the words of a man I dated and trusted. When we got 'intimate' he started to hurt me and I asked him to stop saying and knowing I wasnt ready - before he was inside me -
but he kept going and I couldnt stop him. It hurt a lot and I bled. Did I 'ask for it'? No, I wanted sex yes, initially, but not to be hurt and not to bleed. He wouldn't stop no matter how I pleaded, was it rape? Yes - it was. Many years ago now but I still remember it. And it was still wrong. I wonder how many others he did that to? And they've probably never said a word either. The silent victims..

Author: rathernotsay, Female, scotland
Date: 29/06/2010

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A very similar thing happened to me. I consented to tender kissing, cuddles, intimacy and what seemed like the possibility of 'love' with someone I'd just met. But, after coercion, what I did NOT consent to was his excessive force and hurting and pain and a lot of blood. Then the insults and abuse afterward like he had no care for me in the world. It was very hard to take in, it wasn't the act I presumed it would be. I felt shocked, hard to make sense of, couldn't face that I could be hurt like that, I wasn't a teenager and had a 10 year old sleeping in the house at the time.

I had to get on with 'life'. I did eventually go to the police, year or so later but got completely abused - one female officer accusing me of being a virgin, the lawyer that I was 'not living in the real world', although no one had done this before or since. I had to give up on any form of justice although I regularly see him and his wife in the streets. I find it hard to come to terms with the injustice society expects survivors to put up with.

Author: lizzi, Female, suffolk
Date: 07/07/2010

Sounds awful what you've been through lizzi. I hope you've got some good people around you who can offer support. You're absolutely right, there is very little justice.

Author: J, Female, glasgow
Date: 08/07/2010

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“Rape seems to be the only crime where it's seen as ok to put the victim on trial.”

Natasha, Female from Glasgow

“Short skirts don't cause rape. Rapists cause rape”

Joss, Female from Connecticut

“About time something like this was shown on TV. Hopefully it will make everyone realise there cannot be any excuse for rape - EVER.”

Helzo, Female from Renfrewshire